You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
