nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
