well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Damn victory sex feels great
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