can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
