You're earring is so big in my mouth
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
