Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
