i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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