ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
