But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
