his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
