Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
