we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
