so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just want to make out with him forever
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
