She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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