Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
