The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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