check it out our google latitudes are spooning
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
