I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
