Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
