If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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