I smell stomach acid.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
