so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
