A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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