I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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