STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
