How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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