I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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