is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So here I am, sexting at work.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
