The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
