In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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