This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
