Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
