GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
