Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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