dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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