she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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