My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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