we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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