I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
