Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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