Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
