I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
