I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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