I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
