I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
