I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
