Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
