i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
