his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
