Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
