Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
