If that was your dad, he is hot
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
