me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
