All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
