I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
