If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
