The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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